How to Navigate Social Settings + Make Friends as an Adult with Autism

Friendships can mean something different for every individual with autism spectrum disorder. For some, it’s about finding people who share similar interests or who communicate in a clear, comfortable way. For others, it’s having someone who accepts quiet moments or understands when social energy runs low.

Difficulty connecting with others is a common cause of frustration in people with autism. It can feel discouraging to want to build friendships and not know how to make it happen. Wanting connection while managing sensory needs, communication differences, or social fatigue can make friendships feel complicated, especially when past experiences have been difficult. 

Still, meaningful connections are possible — and it doesn’t require changing who you are. With the proper support and self-awareness, friendships can become a source of comfort rather than stress. This guide explores how adults with autism can build stronger, more fulfilling connections by understanding what helps friendship feel safe, balanced, and sustainable.

Challenges People with Autism Face When Making Friends

Forming friendships can be complicated for many adults with autism — not because they don’t want connection, but because certain parts of social life can feel confusing, overstimulating, or unpredictable. Differences in communication, past experiences, and sensory needs can all make social situations more complex. 

Understanding these challenges helps explain why friendships can be more challenging for neurodivergents and why proper support makes such a significant difference.

Social Expectations Can Be Stressful

Many people with autism describe feeling pressure to follow typical social rules, such as maintaining eye contact, smiling at the right time, or knowing when to speak. Trying to keep up with these expectations can feel draining and uncertain.

Over time, that pressure can make social interactions feel less enjoyable. Some may begin to pull back or avoid certain settings — not because they don’t want friends, but because constant self-monitoring is exhausting.

Sensory Overload in Social Settings

Busy social environments, such as classrooms, offices, or group events, can quickly become overwhelming. Bright lights, background noise, or several people talking at once can make it hard to focus or stay present in conversation.

When this level of stimulation occurs frequently, it can contribute to autistic burnout, even in small social situations, which can become draining.It’ss easy for others to mistake overstimulation for disinterest, but many people with autism simply need calmer spaces where their nervous system can stay regulated.

Fear of Rejection or Past Negative Experiences

Repeated experiences of being misunderstood or excluded can make socializing feel risky. Many adults with autism have learned to mask parts of themselves to avoid rejection, which can lead to emotional fatigue and loss of authenticity.

Even when the desire for connection is strong, the fear of being judged or left out can make it challenging to take the first step toward friendship.

Differences in Communication Style

Individuals with autism often value clarity and directness in their communication. Neurotypical socializing can rely more on tone, body language, or subtle cues — whicaren’t’t always clear or consistent.

This mismatch can create confusion on both sides. Honesty may be misinterpreted as rudeness, and indirect communication can be perceived as frustrating or unclear. Over time, those misunderstandings can make it harder to feel connected or understood.

Isolation Is Common

When social experiences feel unpredictable or exhausting, some people with autism begin to spend more time alone. Many say they would like to make friends, buaren’t’t sure where or how to start.

Structured, interest-based activities or organized social groups often help bridge that gap by providing a clear, low-pressure setting to meet people who share similar experiences.

What People with Autism Need in Friendships

A study from the academic journal, Autism in Adulthood, found that while making friends can be challenging for young adults with autism, many still form meaningful, lasting bonds when supported in ways that fit their needs. 

The researchers emphasized the need to broaden the definition of  “friendship” to encompass diverse communication styles, comfort levels, and social rhythms. This perspective encourages healthier expectations and helps create environments where people with autism can connect more easily and authentically.

Knowing what to look for in a friendship can help you recognize when a connection feels safe, comfortable, and worth nurturing. It also helps adults with autism focus their energy on relationships that bring stability and understanding, rather than confusion or stress.

Acceptance

The best friendships often form when differences are accepted rather than criticized. Friends who understand that social energy, communication, and emotional expression may look different help those with autism feel valued and at ease.

Shared Interests

Common hobbies or structured activities make socializing more natural. When the focus is on a shared goal or passion, such as a craft project, game, or volunteer event, the pressure of small talk fades, and an authentic connection can develop more easily.

Consistency

Predictability helps reduce social anxiety that someone with autism may feel. When friends follow through on plans and behave consistently, it builds trust and makes it easier to relax. Even small gestures, such as checking in regularly or keeping commitments, can mean a great deal.

Clear Communication

Direct and honest communication helps avoid misunderstandings. Saying exactly what you mean — instead of relying on hints or tone — makes everyone feel more comfortable. This openness also builds confidence that honesty will be met with respect.

Patience + Understanding

Social interaction can take effort. Friends who allow extra time to process, don’t rush responses, and understand that quiet moments aren’t a sign of rejection help create friendships that feel supportive and low-pressure.

Respect for Boundaries

Boundaries are a form of respect — not a distance barrier. Many adults with autism have specific needs related to social interactions, physical touch, or environmental factors. Friends who listen and adapt without taking it personally show maturity and care.

Low-Pressure Interaction

Friendships don’t have to be constant to be meaningful. Many people with autism prefer parallel activities — such as watching a show together or engaging in a hobby side by side — or appreciate long gaps between social interactions. Relationships that allow flexibility make connections sustainable.

How to Make Friends as Someone with Autism

Making friends as an adult can feel intimidating, especially when social situations have been challenging in the past. The goal isn’t to change who you are — but to find others who understand you and communicate in ways that feel natural to you. Taking small, intentional steps can help you build meaningful connections at a pace that feels right for you.

1. Start with Shared Spaces or Groups

Joining spaces built around your interests makes connecting easier. Whether it’s a college class, club, hobby group, or online community, shared activities give structure to socializing and help you meet people with similar passions.

Here are a few ways to start small:

• • Look for local meetups focused on art, gaming, or volunteering.

• • Join online forums or Discord servers centered on your interests.

• • Try structured settings, such as classes, where conversations have a clear topic.

2. Take Small Social Steps

Friendships grow gradually through repeated, low-pressure interactions. Starting small helps reduce anxiety and lets trust develop naturally.

To ease into connection:

• • Begin by greeting someone regularly or commenting on something you both enjoy.

• • Participate in short group activities, then stay longer as you feel comfortable.

• • Reflect afterward on what felt easy or enjoyable to build confidence for next time.

3. Be Honest About Communication Preferences

Explaining how you communicate best can prevent confusion and make interactions more comfortable. Most people appreciate knowing what helps you feel at ease and engaged.

You might try:

• • Letting others know if you prefer texting instead of phone calls.

• • Saying, “Sometimes I need a minute to think before I answer.”

• • Ask others how they prefer to communicate so both of you feel supported.

4. Practice Reading Social Patterns at Your Own Pace

Observing social interactions can make conversations feel less uncertain. You don’t have to change your personality — learning patterns helps you understand what’s happening around you, not mask who you are.

Some helpful ways to practice include:

• • Watching how people start and end conversations in groups or videos.

• • Reading dialogue in books or shows to notice how topics shift.

• • Practicing with a therapist or a trusted person to gradually build comfort.

5. Use Simple Frameworks to Make Conversations Easier

Social interactions don’t have to rely on guesswork. Some adults with autism find it helpful to use mental frameworks that make conversations feel more predictable and less stressful. There aren’t rules you have to follow every time, just mental frameworks you can lean on when you want extra structure or clarity.

Here are a few that many people find helpful:

• • The 6-second rule – After asking a question, pause for at least six seconds before speaking again.
    
    • • Why it helps: Prevents interruptions and gives both people time to think.

• • The 3-step conversation rule – 1) Ask a question. 2) Listen to the answer. 3) Comment or ask a follow-up related to what the other person said.
    
    • • Why it helps: Provides a precise rhythm to the conversation, which prevents the conversation from becoming silent too quickly or dominating the exchange.

• • The 1-to-3 ratio rule – For every one personal detail you share, ask about two or three from the other person.
    
    • • Why it helps: Keeps the conversation balanced and shows interest without overexposing yourself.

These small frameworks can make social interactions feel more manageable while still allowing space for genuine connection and your own communication style.

6. Find People Who Match Your Social Energy

It’s easier to connect when your social rhythm aligns with someone else’s. Some people love big groups and constant talking; others prefer quiet, one-on-one time. Both are okay — what matters is finding people whose pace feels right to you.

Try exploring connections by:

• • Joining smaller interest groups instead of large social events.

• • Suggest quieter hangouts, such as coffee or a walk, instead of loud settings.

• • Connecting with people online who enjoy calm, text-based conversations.

7. Be Kind to Yourself

Social growth takes time, and friendships may build slowly. Feeling unsure or awkward doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It’s part of learning and connecting in new ways. Self-compassion helps you remain open to new relationships, rather than shutting down after setbacks.

Here are a few ways to stay grounded:

• • Remind yourself that everyone feels nervous about friendship sometimes.

• • Celebrate small wins, like introducing yourself or joining a conversation.

• • Give yourself breaks from socializing when you feel drained.

8. Learn to Spot Healthy vs. Unhealthy Friendships

Not every connection will feel good — and that’s okay. Knowing the difference between healthy and unhealthy friendships helps protect your energy and build trust with people who deserve it.

To assess whether a friendship feels right:

• • Notice if the person respects your boundaries and listens when you speak.

• • Ask yourself if you feel relaxed or anxious after spending time together.

• • Step back from relationships that feel one-sided, critical, or draining.

9. Use Online Friendships as a Bridge

Online spaces can be a great starting point for connection. They remove sensory pressure and make it easier to express yourself through writing or shared interests. Online friendships can also build confidence for in-person socializing later.

You can start by:

• • Joining gaming servers, fandom communities, or interest-based groups.

• • Reaching out privately to people you enjoy talking with.

• • Setting small boundaries, like taking breaks when messages feel overwhelming.

10. Try Therapies to Build Social Confidence

Therapy helps strengthen emotional regulation in autistic individuals, as well as communication skills, making social situations feel more predictable — and less overwhelming. Different therapeutic approaches teach complementary skills that work together to make social situations feel more manageable. 

With the proper support, these approaches can help you build a well-rounded foundation for connection.

• • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) – Helps reframe unhelpful thoughts about social situations to reduce anxiety and build confidence.

• • Behavioral interventions – Focuses on practicing specific social skills in real-life situations, turning small, repeated actions into lasting habits.

• • Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) – Teaches emotional regulation and distress tolerance skills that make it easier to stay calm and respond thoughtfully in social settings.

• • Mindfulness practice – Builds awareness of your thoughts and emotions in the moment, helping you stay grounded instead of overwhelmed during interactions.

11. Join Group Therapy to Build Connections

Group therapy offers a structured, supportive environment for connecting with others who share similar challenges. It’s a safe environment to practice communication, share experiences, and build confidence that carries into everyday life.

In a group setting, you can:

• • Meet peers who share your experiences and goals.

• • Learn from others’ perspectives on friendship and socializing.

• • Practice conversations in a low-pressure, guided setting.

Building Confidence + Connection in Everyday Life

For many adults on the autism spectrum, meaningful connection becomes more attainable with the right environment, support, and opportunities to practice. With patience and guidance, social interactions that once felt stressful can transform into experiences of confidence, belonging, and joy.

At The Stables at Pasadena Villa — a treatment center for adults with autism in Tennessee — our autism spectrum disorder treatment programs focus on real-world growth through evidence-based therapies, structured social engagement, and individualized support. We help each client strengthen communication skills, build self-awareness, and form authentic relationships in ways that feel natural and empowering.

Find Support + Belonging at The Stables

If you or someone you love is struggling to connect socially or navigate relationships, The Stables offers specialized treatment designed to foster confidence and community.

Take the next step toward growth. Contact us today to learn how our compassionate team helps adults on the autism spectrum build lasting connection and thrive in social settings.