Do you avoid conflict and have a hard time setting boundaries? Or do you feel like you are unsure who you truly are or what’s best for you? Do you notice yourself gravitating towards difficult relationships repeatedly, wondering why you can’t seem to break out of a destructive cycle? Do many of these feelings trace back to tumultuous connections with your parents, siblings, or other loved ones?
These are some results of growing up in an
enmeshed family system. While there’s nothing wrong with being close to your family, enmeshment takes familial dependence too far. Healing from enmeshment is important for adults who grew up in an entangled family system. How do you know whether you come from an enmeshed family, and what can you do to work through enmeshment trauma?
What Is Enmeshment?
Enmeshment describes the relationship dynamics in certain types of families. This includes families where:
- Boundaries between family members are severely lacking
- Familial roles are abnormal or switched (e.g., children caring for their parents’ needs)
- Parents are overly reliant upon their children (i.e., emotionally, physically, or financially)
- Parents deny their children acceptable levels of privacy
- Children become their parents’ “best friends”
- Children are discouraged from or not allowed to develop independence
- Children are punished for resisting the enmeshed relationship or relationships
Family enmeshment creates significant problems for children as they become adults. Eventually, they have difficulty recognizing their needs, effectively expressing emotions, or identifying manipulative behaviors.
This lack of self-awareness often leads people into difficult or dangerous situations that they struggle to escape from due to
limited self-confidence. Healing from enmeshment takes time but helps people avoid creating further problems for themselves later in life.
4 Steps to Start Healing from Enmeshment
Unfortunately, behaviors that result from growing up in an enmeshed family can have lasting effects. These behaviors can continue to affect the trajectory of your life until you identify the problem and do the work to overcome it. Adults who grow up in these family systems must start healing from enmeshment to live happy, fulfilling lives.
How can you start to heal?
1. Be Patient with Yourself
It’s important to recognize that the
work it takes to overcome the effects of an enmeshed family system takes time. You won’t develop the confidence and capabilities overnight, but as time goes by, you
will see progress. Give yourself grace.
2. Discover Who You Truly Are
If you grew up in an enmeshed family, you likely weren’t encouraged to discover who you are. Healing from enmeshment starts with finding out what
you like to do, how
you enjoy spending time, who
you want to be around, and what
you want to do with your life.
3. Develop Boundaries
Boundaries are an important part of caring for yourself. No one will take care of you better than you. Learning to develop boundaries ensures you keep people from taking advantage of you. Don’t forget to be patient with yourself; developing boundaries takes time.
4. Seek Therapy
Therapy is a crucial tool when healing from enmeshment. Working through therapy with a qualified, compassionate team—like
our team at Pasadena Villa—can help you identify any cognitive distortions that developed from your unhealthy family relationships. Therapy also supports your journey of self-discovery and provides you with the guidance you never received when you were young.
Allow Us to Help You in Your Journey
If you’re starting the healing process from enmeshment, seeking help from a program like
those at Pasadena Villa is a great place to start. We understand the complexities of growing up in an enmeshed family unit and provide a caring, comforting environment to start the healing process. Want to learn more about how we can help?
Call us or fill out our contact form today, and an admissions specialist will be happy to discuss our treatment programs and answer any of your questions.
